Sunday, 13 September 2015 06:17

Dealing with Rejection —Volume 1 Featured

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Dealing with Rejection —Volume 1

Rejection is to refuse to have, take, recognize, consider, submit to, take for some purpose, or use, to grant (a request, demand, etc.), to refuse to accept (someone or something); to discard as useless or unsatisfactory; to cast out or eject; vomit. Everyday people face all kinds of rejection. Rejection hurts very deeply and it also inflicts damage to our psychological well-being that goes well beyond mere emotional pain. Rejections can cause psychological wounds, the severity of which depends on the situation and our emotional health at the time. Specifically, rejections elicit emotional pain so sharp it affects our thinking, floods us with anger, erodes our confidence and self-esteem, and destabilizes our fundamental feeling of belonging.

There are situations in life you cannot change. There are people who are set in their ways and ideas and you cannot change them. Whenever you encounter situations you can’t change, you’re challenged to change yourself. You need to accept the situation for what it is. There’s probably no worse feeling in life than the feeling of being rejected. Whether it’s from the opposite sex, a friend or family member, or co-workers, the feeling that our presence is not wanted or no longer welcomed can cause us to feel hurt and become defensive. The feeling of rejection can make us vulnerable and open us to all sorts of attacks. You need to be in control of your emotions. You need to look at things with a different view rather than feeling pain and rejected.

People can reject you for many reasons that has nothing to do with your quality. You need to understand that rejection isn’t personal. Not really, anyway. It only seems that way because that’s how you tend to look at it. Sometimes rejection is real and hurting but my advice is not to take it personal. This will enable you to be in control of the situation. This will enable you to have control of your emotions. The truth is you cannot control how people behave towards you. You can control how you react towards the way they treat you. No matter how kind you are towards people there are some people that will hate you. There is nothing you can do to please them. If you know the quality you possess then there is no reason to feel downcast whenever you encounter people with hate. They are the ones with the issues and not you.

I have been rejected severely and it is not a big deal. It did not end my life and made me perform below my ability. Why do you have to make it a big deal? You are not the first that has been rejected and you won’t be the last. The rejection you face will not be the last rejection you will encounter in life. So you have been rejected by someone, some people or even by the whole world. I know it feels bad and that you are eagerly scanning yourself for any flaws that can justify this rejection. Some people even go further and label themselves with labels such as a “loser” or “failure” and then end up depressed. Don’t allow others opinion and decision about you to determine who you are in life. They don’t know you. They cannot define what they don’t know. Why would you accept their definition of who you are?

The shocking truth is that the main reason behind experiencing those negative feelings you experienced after being rejected is because you believe that your worth or value is determined solely by the opinion of others. We assume that when we are nice and good to people they will like and love us. This is not the case. You are kind to people not for people to like you but because this is who you are. This is the quality you possess. You don’t have to live your life to please people. You live your life to please yourself and be happy. Over the years you have learned to measure your self-worth based on the acceptance of others and thus you gave them the keys to your mood. It is very dangerous to give the keys to your mood to someone else. You need to take back the keys and be in control. You’re the master of the universe. Don’t allow anyone else to determine how you feel.

Depression is sometimes associated with rejection. The main reason some people become depressed after being rejected is that they don’t take actions to neutralize the effect of this rejection. Every day we all get rejected in one way or the other. People will reject your friendship request on social media not because they don’t like you or because you aren’t good enough. Their reasons are personal and they are not sharing it with you. Because they rejected you doesn’t really mean they are not good people themselves. They have reasons that are best known to them. This is why you shouldn’t take it personal.

When we face rejections we want answers, we want to know why. The human mind can hardly rest before finding a reasonable or logical explanation for the situations it faces. If you provided other reasons for the rejection to your mind other than being worthless then you won’t feel bad at all after the rejection. Here are some of the reasons why people might reject you. I want you to use these reasons to calm your mind down after facing any kind of rejections.

People could reject you because:

  • They are jealous of you, of your achievements, your looks, or of anything else.
  • They are currently interested in someone else (if the rejection was in a relationship). This rejection doesn’t mean that you are bad.
  • They can reject you for a job because they have in mind another candidate they believe can be a better part of their vision and this is not because you are not good enough. It is just that you didn’t fit into their plans, which is not a bad thing because we are all different. In a football team there are many different qualities of players that brings different dimension to the team. This is the same with employing people. Managers look for the different blend of dimensions to make the team balance.
  • They might be afraid of you. They might be afraid you’d take their job, their wife or whatever.
  • Maybe you ignored them before unintentionally and they are paying back.
  • Maybe you hurt them without noticing and they were emotionally sensitive.
  • Maybe you have interests that conflict with their own interests. This happens most of the time and it is something we might not be aware of.
  • Maybe you look like someone they don’t like. Sometimes our pasts affects the people we deal with. You presence brought back a bad memory. They are not mature to separate these events and you really don’t want to spend time with an immature adult because it could be a disaster. If they reject you then see it as a favour.
  • Sometimes the reason they rejected you could be genuine. Maybe you are lazy or you are not discipline. If the reason is based on your character then you need to work on you and be the best that you have been created to be. Again they are helping you to work out the best in you. You need to be matured enough to be honest to yourself and take responsibility when it warrants one and stop lying to yourself.

The reasons why people will reject you are endless. Sometime the rejection could be based on things you did wrong. If this is the case you should develop yourself. If this is not the case you should live above the rejection and make the best of the situation. As you can see people may hate you or reject you for different reasons that are not by any means related to your worth. If you want to deal with the rejection and get over it, it’s time to know that your self-worth is not measured by the opinion of others. You should believe in yourself and as you do no amount of rejection will affect you. Remember you are the master of your destiny.

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