I dedicate this edition to my mother-in-law Late Mrs Cecilia Ominorisa Aberepikima, who died on August 7, 2022, in Lane Fox REMEO Respiratory Centre Redhill, United Kingdom. May her gentle soul rest in peace.
I regular plan and lay out the topics of the Sure Word Blog Post at the end of each year for the preceding year. I am flexible and can upgrade, downgrade, make changes, improve, delete completely, or replace these topics and subjects.
August, September, and October were incredibly challenging months. It was when my family experienced a considerable loss in our life. We shared the loss of a loved one. I remembered my pain when I passed the news to my children and how they cried and wept. I felt their misery.
We were preparing to drive from London to Redhill, where my mother-in-law was recovering after heart surgery. The centre called to inform us that my mother-in-law had gone to meet with the Lord. She was dear to us. So, you can imagine how her death affected us. My wife just lost her mum. My children just lost their grandma. I lost my mother-in-law.
I received a call three days later from one of my wife's friends, who had called my wife earlier and was not satisfied with the mood of my wife. She felt my wife was not grieving and wanted to know if everything was all right. My optimistic response made her worried. She asked if we were both all right. I told her that we were. She exclaimed, "Why will you be all right? You just lost someone dear and precious." I explained to her that we had gone through our grieving already. How can this be, seeing it is not even up to four days since we experienced the loss?
Learning more about the grieving process can help you understand what you are going through. Grief affects us all in diverse ways. It is important to remember there is no 'normal' way to grieve. Most people want you to grieve in a certain way. The many distinct aspects of grief can come as a shock. One of the most frequent questions is, 'is this normal?' The people calling were in shock at the time they called. I tried to explain to them their current state of mind. I use the SARAH change management methodology to explain how they feel, how we think, and the different stages they will go through. We are not all in the same place of grieving at the same time.
Everyone goes through the SARAH method of change when there is a change. The change could be anything. The methodology focuses more on business change. SARAH's method of change is the emotion people go through when they experience an event that comes with a change.
The SARAH model of change of shock, anger, rejection, acceptance, and hope are normal emotions that people go through and should be expected in a new business change initiative. Although this is a huge topic in Six Sigma, it is an emotional aspect we all experience daily.
The consultant approached my wife and me two weeks before the death of my mother-in-law. He tried to tell us indirectly that all data and road leads to death, and we should start preparing our mind towards death. He was honest, caring, and polite. He was even patient with us.
Shock is a critical condition brought on by the sudden drop in blood flow through the body. Shock may result from trauma, heatstroke, blood loss, an allergic reaction, severe infection, poisoning, severe burns, or other causes. When a person is in shock, their organs are not getting enough blood or oxygen.
We were shocked from getting the fact that my wife would lose her mum, my children their grandmother, and I will lose my mother-in-law. There was a sudden drop in blood flow through my body. I was sweating on my palms. I put on faith and believed that God would turn this around. I went to her bedside and began to pray for her.
Once the shock subsided, I became angry. Shock can lead to anger as people begin to understand what the business change may mean to them. Here, I began to understand how her death would affect the family. Anger can be a good thing. It can give you a way to express negative feelings or motivate you to find solutions to problems. I started thinking about how to mitigate issues arising from her death.
The next stage is rejection. People may reject the idea of the new business change initiative and wish to be left alone and continue with their existing ways of working. Deep inside, people at this stage may also appreciate that the business change initiative is happening and stopping the initiative is not a plausible option. This stage is also the cycle's lowest point; the only way from here is up.
I struggled, but I needed to be strong for my family. My children are not aware of what is coming. They always visit the hospital with my wife and me, and I know when the time comes, they will understand. We will be there to support them as they go through their SARAH emotion.
At this stage, people come to terms with the business change initiative and are ready to accept it.
My wife visited the Respiratory Centre on Wednesday and returned around 1.30 AM the next day. We were unable to talk. On Thursday around 22:00 hrs, she told me her mother's health had declined, and it looked like this was it. I could not sleep. I came back to my computer and continued to work. That was when I accepted the change.
We visited every Sunday from 13:00 hours, but we were called by 08:30 that her health had deteriorated more, and we should start coming. We decided to leave earlier than we usually do. While getting ready at 10:00 hours, they called and gave us the news of her death.
The final stage is hope. It is when people begin to see the positive sides of the new business change initiative and its benefits to them and the organisation. In this case, we begin to see the positive side of the death of our mother, grandmother, and mother-in-law.
Hope is an optimistic state of mind based on an expectation of positive outcomes concerning events and circumstances in one's life or the world. Hope is forward-looking faith.
Despite our loss and the shock, anger, rejection, and acceptance of the event, we have hope and look forward to the things we hoped her death would bring as a positive to our lives.
The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.
― Elizabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler