Sunday, 27 July 2014 08:00

How to Relate with Others Featured

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Many people work at least twelve hours in the day meaning they spend more time with their colleagues in the office than their family at home and yet they have nothing to do with their colleagues because to them it is not professional. Truth is we are humans and not robot. This can

affect the productivity of the company as people only see themselves as being there for their pay cheque and nothing more.

Every time we cherish others we cherish ourselves. There is no way in life you can get on your own. You need others in your life if you must survive. Even if you are a millionaire you need the whole world in your life to survive. You paid for it but someone built the cars, the houses, your office, your workstation and someone planted the food you eat. We all need to understand the importance of everyone in the society. It doesn’t matter if they have a job or not, the fact remains you need them and they need you.

Our tendency to overlook or ignore these infinite connections is not only unrealistic, but a major obstacle to happiness. There is a deep rooted inclination to see ourselves as separate individuals who have worked hard to be ‘self-sufficient’ and 'independent. We need each other; it is as simple as that. For the government to function they depend on the voters. There will be no government without the people and the people cannot be governed without the government so they both need each other and complement each other.

Respect, forgiveness, gratitude and loyalty are a powerful tool to strengthen our relationships with the people around us. Since our own happiness ultimately depends on their happiness, this is one of the most direct and effective routes to a happy life. How we relate to others is paramount for us to achieve what we desire. When you relate well with people they will respond back and serve you well so you have everything to gain here.

Today I will be highlighting some ways you can relate with people and get the best out from them.

How You Relate to Yourself Matters
The way we refer to ourselves reflects on how we reflect to others. The way you relate and carry you also reflect on how to relate to others. Truth is you cannot give to others what you can’t give to yourself. If you lack self-respect there is no way you will be able to respect other people. Charity they say begins at home. You are the first point of call in this exercise. You will love your neighbour as you love yourself and looking today many people hate themselves hence they give out enough hatred to others. They are filled with complaint and all day they tell people negative depressing stories about the government, about their lives and about anything they can lay their eyes on.

Be Friendly
People get attracted to you when they see you as someone they could relate to. If you study the people who bond the easiest with others and have the richest social lives, it doesn’t take long to realize that much of their social success resides in the fact they are very friendly and gregarious, with both girls and guys. You don’t wait for others to be social with you before you’re social with them. There are people who won’t want to talk to you not because something is wrong with you but because this is who they are, they don’t have anything in common with a stranger and strangely almost everyone to them is a stranger. When you meet these kinds of people don’t feel bad.

Please be aware that not everyone can be your friend despite the fact you want to relate with people and it is not everyone that is entitled to relate with you as well. This does not mean you are looking down at them. It means you are not wasting your resources. A genuinely friendly person can make conversation with just about anybody and enjoy the experience. Nevertheless, there will always be people they find it much easier to chat with, for longer periods of time, they’ll take more pleasure in it and they’ll be much more outspoken. There are others that will make you regret but at the end you made the call, you should be in control and deal with issues that might arise in your zest to be friendly.

Be a Good Listener
If you talk too much, you will come across not only as talkative and insecure, but also a bad listener. Connecting with people is not much about words but sometimes through your attention and care. Just listening to others can be a source of healing to them because they have so much inside and you lead them to release those ill emotions. Their worries found a channel to leave their body because you understand enough to lead them through.

Listening is the ability to accurately receive and interpret messages in the communication process.  Listening is key to all effective communication, without the ability to listen effectively messages are easily misunderstood – communication breaks down and the sender of the message can easily become frustrated or irritated.

Hearing refers to the sounds that you hear, whereas listening requires more than that: it requires focus.  Listening means paying attention not only to the story, but how it is told, the use of language and voice, and how the other person uses his or her body.  In other words, it means being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages.  Your ability to listen effectively depends on the degree to which you perceive and understand these messages.
The listening process involves five stages: receiving, understanding, evaluating, remembering, and responding. Three main degrees of active listening are repeating, paraphrasing, and reflecting. When you remember people and their name the next time you meet them it becomes easier for them to be more open to you.

Make Connections with Them
When you have something in common with others they relate more with you as you both share common interest together. A connection is formed when the person speaking feels that his or her partner understands what he or she is going through. Think about this, when you talk to someone, if you know they won’t understand, you simply don’t talk to them. When someone speaks, they want you to be able to UNDERSTAND what they are going through. The reason why we relate further with our own experience is to give them that CERTAINTY that you truly understand what they are going through.

To be able to connect to anyone you need to do this:

  1. You must look approachable.
  2. The more people you’re able to talk to the more people you will be connected to so learn how to talk and listen to people.
  3. You must be genuine. The only connections that work will be the ones that you truly care about; the world will see through anything short of that. If you don’t have a genuine interest in the person with whom you’re trying to connect, then stop trying.
  4. Pay ridiculous attention. It’s nearly impossible to genuinely offer help if you don’t pay attention.
  5. Come Up with Good Conversation Topics. People who are good at connecting with others often know how to strike a conversation.
  6. Build Rapport. There are lots of ways to show people that you have a lot in common!
  7. Don’t forget to just be yourself. This way you can make real connection with people.

Having Empathy for Others
Empathy means I demonstrate concern for and listen to reach understanding of others ideas and feelings. Most times, we tend to confuse empathy with sympathy; that to be empathetic means agreeing or relating to the feelings another person has regarding a given situation or individual. However, what empathy really means is being able to understand the needs of others. It means that you’re aware of their feelings and how it impacts their perception. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with how they see things; rather, being empathetic means that you’re willing and able to appreciate what the other person is going through.
By understanding others we can develop closer relationships. Empathy requires listening, not judging others, openness, emotional intelligence. Empathy is human. We can develop empathy when we focus on others and commit to develop our authentic self. To become more empathetic we need to take a personal interest in people. Show people that you care, and genuine curiosity about their lives will make them relate better with you.

Having Compassion for Others
Compassion literally means “to suffer together.” It is defined as the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering. Compassion is not the same as empathy or altruism, though the concepts are related. While empathy refers more generally to our ability to take the perspective of and feel the emotions of another person, compassion is when those feelings and thoughts include the desire to help. Altruism, in turn, is the kind, selfless behaviour often prompted by feelings of compassion, though one can feel compassion without acting on it, and altruism isn’t always motivated by compassion.

Compassion enlarges your perspective and identity as you discover what is common with you and others as you experience their sufferings and pain. It enables you to become better connected with these people as you understand yourself better and others more. Compassion increases the possibilities for peace and reconciliation where there is conflict. Remember it is contagious and spreads outwards.


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